Confessions of A Retro Dance Freak

I literally have seven days of high school left, and I’m trying to deal with all the regrets I have about it

Everybody assumes I’m this sweet, quiet kid. LOL.

I’ve spent these past four years totally invisible and unhappy. I know this sounds sterotypical, but I thought I was going to be friends with all walks of life and find a place where I felt I belonged. That didn’t ever happen, and I’m worried about college.

I’m the kid you ask to watch your backpack and purse because you want to run around and talk to your friends while i sit alone. I pretty much have always had the position in life. since middle school. No matter how nice or outgoing I am, I’m forgettable or insignificant. 

I’m stuck between every social group. Status quo meant that popular kids who were actually nice to me didnt ever want to hang out because they wouldn’t be caught dead with me, and the geeky kids were so out of touch with society that they weren’t competent friendships. And everybody else was busy trying to be something else. I though talking in class and saying hi in the halls and talking at lunch together meant you were friends. relationships with anybody in my school end at the door of the building. Maybe i’m just not an interesting person, or I’m annoying? i don’t know. 

I didn’t even accomplish any personal goals. it’s mostly my own fault because I’m shy, but I wanted to do the plays, perform, do art shows, etc and I never had the nerve or opportunity to do so. i was always misinformed or nobody would do it with me so it just never happened. I should have just gone for it, but I would get way too spiteful at my ‘friends’ for ditching me. 

I don’t even like who I am anymore. I came in high school a genuinely nice person who was optimistic about what I was about to come into. I understand that people grow wiser and learn about the real world, but the corruption and lies and hypocrecy combined with how invisible I felt has made me a different person. I feel like I’m the only person who actually see’s past all the bullshit, and these people don’t even try to understand each other. I don’t give second chances because people don’t deserve them. I talk so much shit, and I never used to do that. It’s a bad habit I’ve learned.

I wish I had just enjoyed the good moments instead of always feeling judged and being on my toes. I wish I wasnt such a nervous and worrisome person who was so afraid to get in trouble or break rules. I should have let myself have fun.

Posted 1 week ago — 1 note